My Uncle Conrad is one of my dad’s (if I’m not mistaken) nine brothers. He is also what I consider to be our family’s leading historian and I would like to thank him dearly for that. Every family reunion, year after year, would find him with video camera in hand. You couldn’t escape Uncle Conrad. Whether you wanted to be videotaped or not…you were. He filmed everything but it wasn’t just images and motion on film he captured, it was much more. With his narration and ongoing comments he allowed us to understand and have an everlasting view into a loved ones soul. Recently I had the opportunity to see for myself some of his videotapes and words cannot express what it's meant to me personally to see my dad’s smile and hear his voice once again. Knowing that I’ll always have moments of my dad’s life on film is very comforting. Shortly after his passing my sister told me that she feared as time went on we would forget the little things about dad, important every day things that made him who he was to us. I understood that fear because no matter how much you love someone time does have a cruel way of fading and dimming treasured memories. Thanks to my dear uncle’s consistent devotion to documenting our family history, I don’t worry about that as much anymore. I’ve finally realized that the pictures and film taken in life are our way of keeping loved ones alive. They are our legacy to be passed down generation after generation keeping our own essence here long after we’re gone. I think my Uncle Conrad has always realized that. Thanks Unc Con :)
I took this snapshot of my uncle in Cobden, IL - February 2010
Below is a lil' clip of one of his old movies. For more, click "OLD MOVIES Room"on right sidebar.
Visiting grandpa and grandma in the country – 1964 aunts, uncles, cousins, etc (little blonde girl in the black coat is me)
Sweet Baby Blue - It’s a boy! It’ll be a while before I have the honor of meeting the little fella but oh how I’m going to love this little bundle of joy! I can already picture in my mind Jake holding and rocking his son while he sings to him the song below. Congrats Erin and Jake!
What are little boys made of? Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails That's what little boys are made of!" What are little girls made of? "Sugar and spice and all things nice That's what little girls are made of!"
Later today I'll get the call telling me if my first grandbaby is a boy or girl. Until then, it's a long day of sitting on pins and needles for me. Can’t wait! :)
Half-tuck and I played hooky last Friday and with it being a nice day decided to venture into Grafton. Something about the river road always makes it feel as if I’m further away from home than I really am. It’s a close getaway that doesn’t feel that close…maybe it’s the river, the bluffs, the spaciousness of it all, or maybe it’s just escaping a dirty steel mill town for a few hours. I don't know but it feels good and I’m looking forward to returning at least a few more times this year.
My veterinarian and others say when it’s time I’ll know. But how will I know? This nagging thought plays through my mind more and more these days as Daisy's health steadily declines. Important decisions can be difficult to make when you see life more in black and white than shades of gray. The question of euthanizing a beloved pet is very much a gray area to me and I feel torn between wanting Daisy to live life yet not wanting her to live a life that’s becoming harder for her each day. I’ve done my research and read online the signs of when it’s time to say goodbye to your pet but it doesn’t really sink in. It feels too personal and I can’t yet see the forest through the trees. They say to look at your pet as a stranger would see them. I’ve done that and it’s upsetting when I catch a glimpse of how thin and frail my Daisy has become. They say look into her eyes. I’ve done that too and it shames me to say that deep down I can see her eyes telling me she’s done, she’s had enough. Still I wonder if I know this for certain. It’s confusing to me when Daisy's able to go outside on her own, walk to her water bowl on her own, even sometimes still get up in the bay window and watch for me to come home. It’s confusing when she won’t eat and stares miserably at the floor yet wags her tail and seems happy when I reach down to pet her. It’s confusing when I pet her and she shakes and quietly whimpers yet still has the strength to get up and follow me from room to room. I tell myself I’m not sure, even though I know Daisy is not the same. She’s not the dog I remember, the one full of vim and vigor, barking, grumbling, running, jumping, climbing the apple tree in the backyard, clamoring for attention, gobbling her food, snatching bread or whatever else she can pawoff the table. She’s leaving this world and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it. The hardest part may be in knowing if I make the decision to euthanize Daisy I will be responsible for ending her life. Though I know for her sake I have to change this skewered way of thinking. I have to understand that sometimes the hardest part is doing nothing and the truly loving thing would be to help her find the tranquility she deserves. Hopefully when her time comes my sweet girl will pass peacefully in her sleep, but if that doesn't happen and I have to assist her, I will. I won't wait too long and have her look at me one day and wonder why I'm letting her suffer, wonder if I don't care enough to help her. I want her to know how much I love her and what a good and unique dog I think she is. And I want her to trust that I won’t let her down and that when I know it’s time I'll be there to see her through.
Daisy with thoughts of bread snatching on her mind (3-20-99)
ha ha, actually I only have one No. 1 fan but for anyone else that may want to follow this blog and be notified when I've posting something new...tada! you're in luck, because I've just added "Click here to subscribe to this blog"(located on right side bar). All you have to do (I think) is click on the gray sentence, enter your email address, and then you'll be sent an email to verify subscribing to this blog. Pretty simple really.
The fun-filled night began with a scrumptious dinner at Mangia Italiano on South Grand and culminated with hearing/seeing the Deadstring Brothers at Off Broadway on Lemp (short clip below) . I was a lucky girl to experience both with two of my favorite people – Mark, and my son Jake. The Deadstring Brothers are a lively, friendly, rollicking group of guys from Detroit, MI, and London, England. I guess their music would best be described as alt-country with a kind of 70s vibe and uncanny Rolling Stones sound (mainly due to the vocals of lead singer Kurt Marschke). I first became familiar with their music while perusing one of my favorite music blogs when I came across the song “Where are all my friends?” I thought to myself what a great title for a song, so I clicked, listened, and have been a fan of the Deadstring Brothers ever since. When I heard they were coming to St. Louis I was thrilled at the chance to see them live. Their show Saturday night did not disappoint. It was incredible, and after it was over I left an even bigger fan...not only because of their "keep your body moving" music but also because they couldn’t have been more friendly and down to earth. I’ve loved artists for their music before but have at times been disappointed after seeing them perform live (an egotistical Ryan Adams comes to mind) but these guys had it all going on…great music, great artists, and great friends to their fans. How refreshing and fun is that.
My introduction to the band – "Where are all my friends?"
Live from Saturday night…it’s the Deadstring Brothers
London lads in the band – BrothersJeff and Spencer Cullum
New BFFs – drummer Travis, bass Jeff, my son Jake
One for the scrapbook – Mark and lead singer Kurt Marschke
Links: http://www.dineatmangia.com/(unique yet affordable dining experience…includes a little store where you can buy their fresh made pasta) http://www.offbroadwaystl.com/(great St. Louis venue to hear regional and national live music)
Emily has informed me (more than once) that when she moves out I’m going to miss her little dog Lola more than I’m going to miss her. hmmm, while sensing perhaps a bit of envy on her part, and while believing what she said is not necessarily true...I do have to admit the little ankle biter (Lola) and I have grown very close over the last two years. Though it took a while to adapt to living with a fur ball on wheels, I finally did, and now…I can’t imagine not.
Miss Lola (or as I like to call her... lolafalana, sugar britches, stinker pup, lil sh*t) has been a handful from the day she was born but just look at that deceivingly sweet little face. No matter how yippy and yappy and irritating she can be (and as she most often is)...how could one resist it? I for one could not. So yes, I am definitely going to miss my furry face friend. And no, I am not looking forward to the day I have to tell her she’s not really my dog. How could I be? I'm still working on telling myself... :*(
It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola. (courtesy of the Kinks)
ch-ch-ch-ch changes,
turn and face the strange
ch-ch changes
Seems I've grown at ease with life as it is and even though I know life will always change...I still wish I could hang on to the parts I want to stay the same. There comes a time though when you have to...as the song says, "turn and face the strange". Emily will graduate in May, and though I'm proud and happy for her, life as I know it will change and become somewhat strange...because if Emily has her way (and I'm sure she will) she'll be moving to Texas after graduation to begin her teaching career. It won't be the first time a daughter of mine moved to Texas…my older daughter Mandy has been living there for years. Somehow that doesn't make Emily leaving easier. When she goes I’ll have to face the change of living alone in a house that's never felt like a home with just me in it. But the idea I guess is to turn and face the changes that make us feel strange, stare them down if necessary, and then move on.
Thankfully, many changes in life are welcome ones and I’m happy to have one coming up that I will embrace completely. That special change will happen when I become a grandma with the birth of my first grandbaby in August of this year. He (or she) will come into this world with not only a mom and dad that will work to be good and caring parents but also with an extended loving family on both sides. Sometimes the biggest blessings in life are unexpected. This little baby will be a blessing and a welcome change in our lives. And it is on that positive note that I will close this post. :)
A thankful state of mind…As I grow older I realize more and more how short and precious life on this earth is. Too often I forget this simple truth and neglect to count my many blessings. The list below of 5 things I'm thankful for this week is my way of counting and remembering some of those blessings, no matter how big or small they may seem.
I'm thankful for the great weekend I had and having a good job to return to today
I'm thankful for the special man in my life that helped make my weekend great
I'm thankful for having a nice dinner with a wonderful family Saturday night
I'm thankful my dog Daisy ate like a small horse yesterday, the way she used to :)
I’m thankful for enjoying a couple warm and sunny days (in March!)
Oh how I love Neil Young's music. If I had to pick one artist that defined my angst-ridden teen years -- and beginning love and appreciation for music best -- I'd have to pick Neil. I was first introduced to his music in the 70s after I received my very first turntable. My cool sister Mel (becoming oh-so-much cooler) gave me the generous gift of ten vinyl albums for my 14th birthday. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. 10 albums! They included music from the likes of Led Zeppelin, Jethro Tull, T-Rex, Leon Russell, The Eagles, Poco, and more. None of the ten thrilled me more though than Neil Young's Harvest. I fell in love with it from the first listen and have probably replayed Harvest more than any other album, ever. I could play it today and still love it just as much. That's the cool thing about Neil Young. His music doesn't age. It doesn’t grow old. Young people today still love this wild-haired old man, including my son Jake who's been a big fan for years. In 2007 I had the good fortune to finally see Neil perform live at Fox Theatre. It was something I'd dreamed of doing for a long time and an incredible experience I'll never forget.
He came dancing across the water... As far as a favorite Neil Young song, if I had to pick one of his many that stir me the most, it would probably be "Cortez the Killer" (from his 1975 album, Zuma). According to Neil he wrote the song while in high school studying the history of Hernán Cortés, a conquistador who conquered Mexico for Spain in the 1500s. Whatever the case, Cortez the Killer is emotionally gripping with amazing guitar work and lyrics. Mark put it well recently when saying about the song "Is there any better?" Of course that’s a matter of opinion but for me personally…nope, I don't think there is. For a song with no words well over 3 minutes into it, to yet inspire that question, says a lot I think. And, when at last the words begin and I hear the line “and she loves me to this day”... I think to myself what a perfect way of describing what I feel for Neil Young's music to this day.
For more Neil Young, check out my music room (right column).
I took this snapshot of my uncle in Cobden, IL - February 2010
